10 Guidelines to Handling Offenses done by a friend or a close acquaintance | reychop's rules

We can never avoid a fight with someone. However, if you are the victim, you are the one who was hurt, do not simply flaunt your weakness by resorting to crying, drama, tantrums and other dramatic reactions. A simple silence will do, stares and more cold treatment (to be discussed in another post). If ever engaged in a situation that requires you to up your guard and protect your pride, follow the following guidelines.




1. Do not ever forgive that person unless he asks forgiveness himself. He should be able to realize his mistake and must ask forgiveness as sincere as possible.

2. Do not tell the offender that he had committed a mistake. Rather, wait for it until he realizes his own error. Do not, at any cost, tell him directly no matter how hard he begs for it. By allowing him to realize his mistake, you are assured that once he asks for forgiveness, it is sincere. When told about his error, he would not be so sincere because he has no time to internalize and reflect about what he has done.

3. Set a time period longer than a month before telling the person his mistakes (if he still cannot figure out his error). By doing so, you are allowing a period to cool both the two of your "brains".

4. When settling down disagreements, wait for three days. Approach the person and tell him directly about the "incident" that causes the argument. Talk in a calm manner, invite him to a relaxing place (i.e. a quiet room, a cafe, or even the park) and relate the events, and your views. Make sure you only do this once you are prepared to forgive the person. If not, then proceed to guideline number five.

5. Hold your resolve. Do not show that the fight has affected you. Hide your doubts. Cover your insecurities. Act normal.

6. Do not be too overdramatic. When talking with him, always try to put up a front. Don't look weak and don't appear sympathetical.

7. Do not grace the offender with lengthy conversations. Simple no, yes, goodbye and a small nod should do. Do not talk, nor initiate a conversation.

8. Show that you do not need him to apologize just to live. Let your action speak your anger. Though no direct action should be made, make it possible to get a point across.

9. If he initiates a conversation, look at two factors. Look if he's apologetic or not. If not, then never grace him with a talk. Let him state his reasons first. If it is to "rekindle" the friendship, leave without a word. If it is important, like "homework" or other work-related (remember, personal disputes should not affect work), then look at guideline number 7.

10. Never apologize. He has offended you. Why would you apologize? Let him find a way, let him do it on his own!

The above guidelines apply to both sexes. The heavy usage of "him" refers to the old rule where "when the gender of a noun is unknown, use the masculine form of the pronoun to refer to the noun" which was forgotten, or discouraged by most teachers.

Also, the above guidelines only apply if you did not commit the offense. If you contributed to the argument, then wait for more guidelines and rules to cover up that areas. However, if the offender deliberately offended you, or insult you, feel free to print these guidelines and exercise it.

This is an exercise of dominance and strong will. Use it well, but not too well that it devastates relationships. Always use sound judgment when to lower your pride and when to let go of a grudge.